If the shoe fits, I'll take it!

Why is it this hard to find the perfect shoe?!

Dear Father,

Ever had problems with your shoe?

I have a personal wish list about the things I plan to buy the moment I have money for it. Among these things was a new pair of sneakers.

So last Saturday, I took off to the nearby mall to buy myself a new pair, since I just received half my salary for the month. There were a lot of them, and I ended up liking 3 pairs. And since they were on sale, I could actually buy two of them. That caught me in a really good mood.

Two of the three pairs that I liked have pink trimmings on them. (Yes, no matter how much I deny it, I always loved pink and still do.)While the third one was canvas colored with a cool pattern and glitters. Cheerfully, I approached the saleslady and asked for my size: 8. She scooted off with my chosen sneakers while I go on browsing over the expensive pairs.

After a few minutes she returned, with a sad sad report...

SALESLADY: "Ma'am, we've ran out of bigger sizes."
ME: (points to the sneakers)"All of them?"
SALESLADY: (nods) "But we still have this one in other colors..." (shows me a pair of size 8 sneakers in silver and black)
ME: (looks at each disappointedly) "Would you have one in my size by next week? I can wait."
SALESLADY: (begins an explanation that points out that it just is impossible to get the sneakers I like by next week.)

Yes, I was a bit of desperate, coz I do need the sneakers badly. The one I'm currently wearing is getting really worn out. And I would have worn the sneakers real proud, because the money came from my own hard work.

I remember you once sent me a package containing clothes and a pair of pink sneakers. I liked those sneakers, except for one thing. They were two times bigger than my feet. I actually wore them one time, and my cousins teased me for looking like Ronald McDonald with the really big shoes. It was really embarrassing, and I ended up giving up the shoes to one of my cousins because it fits her.

I don't know what happened to those sneakers. I don't know if she used it or not. I don't even see it in their house anymore. Even if I do claim it back, I know it wouldn't fit me anymore, because my feet have swelled to a freakin size 8.

After the Holy Week, I would once again embark on my quest to search for a pair of sneakers. Hopefully, this time, I wouldn't be so unlucky.

Walking Home

Well, I'm not exactly as enthusiastic as this when going to school.

Dear Father,

I really can't believe how a little Will can go a long way...

Yesterday, there was a major jeepney strike and almost all the jeepneys in the Metro had decided to take the day-off. As jeepneys were the major mode of transportation for Filipinos nowadays, the strike had literally affected a lot of people, most of which were the local commuters. And among the irate crowd was me. It was during these times when I wish that Mama would let me ride a bike to work, since it my new workplace was close enough to home. But being a girl and all, plus the fact that the streets aren't made for bikes (unlike Marikina and other places), no amount of reason would persuade her to do so.

Anyway, that morning, I got to get a ride to work, since the strike was bound to start later during the day. I got to work, forgot everything about the strike and did whatever work I have to do. I only remembered about the strike later in the afternoon, when I was about to go home and couldn't get a single jeepney to stop for me because all of them were filled to the brim. By that I meant that the passengers were sitting like sardines inside while outside there is at least one person who was hanging by the estribo. Frankly, I would not be surprised to see a jeepney with passengers even at the roof, but that only happens in the province...

After 5 minutes of seemingly hopeless waiting, I made a firm decision to walk home. As if I was hit by Reborn's Dying Bullet, I determinedly told myself: "I will walk home as if I were to die!" (Yes, I do sound like I had read too much manga once more.) So I did.

Before starting my 1 kilometer walk, I stopped by a barbeque grill stand and ordered two sticks of isaw for a light snack. As soon as I paid for them, I began my walk while enjoying my first stick of isaw. I caught quite a bit of attention walking there like one would in a park, munching the barbeque like it was the most delicious food on earth, and enjoying whatever scenery the urban environment can offer. I can truly say, yesterday's red orange sunset was just beautiful, but I bet only a few people noticed it.

Anyway, I did enjoy the long and tiring walk. I finally got to eat at that BBQ stall that I wouldn't have done if I chose to take a ride. I finally saw the boutique with the blue gown I once coveted (after closer inspection, realized it wasn't as beautiful as I thought.) I got to feed a stray kitten. Got the attention of a lot of onlookers. And proved to myself that I can do anything I put my mind into.

I got home at around 6 pm. Tired but quite happy.

Farewell to my Daddy-Long-Legs

It has almost been 5 months since the first butterfly took off, and now, a second butterfly took off and followed the first...

Dear Daddy,

"Daddy-Long-legs" has been my favorite story ever since I watched the animated series aired on local channels. I've read the e-book and plan on purchasing a second hand copy of the book, plus it's sequel "Dear Enemy".

Why am I so fascinated with this book? Because there are just times that I feel Judy and me are one. How?

• We were both abandoned. Jerusha by her parents, me by you.
• We both prefer being called by our nicknames.
• We are both bibliophiles.
• We are both suddenly exposed to an unknown society.
• We have the same number of close friends. (And same personalities too.)
• We both had had hand me downs. (And hated them)
  
• We like to splurge ourselves with every opportunity.
  
• Both of us had a sponsor that took care of the tuition fees.

Unlike Judy, I knew who my "Daddy-Long-Legs" was. In fact, I knew her name, where she lives, and why she sponsored my studies. That's why when the news of her sudden passing reached us, I just had to cry.

"Tita Elsa" was a prominent person. She is known for her charitable works and donations to numerous churches and seminaries throughout the Philippines. She had also paid visit to the late Pope John Paul II and the recent Pope Benedict XVI, gaining a commemorative certificate from both. When she is not absorbed in her Spiritual duties, she enjoys herself doing a little ikebana, watching Wowowee by noon, or eating any food that suits her fancy. She was not diagnosed for any ailment, save her gout problem that runs in the family. That was why it was indeed a great shock for us when we called to check on her only to receive news that she had passed away.

I just came home from work around 6:30p.m last Saturday, February 23. Mama appeared from the bedroom with a confused look. On her phone was a missed call from Tita Elsa. Thinking that maybe something had happened, she quickly called her house to check up on her. To our surprise, the nurse informed us that Tita had just passed away. Mama was filled with disbelief, and was quite hysterical as the conversation went on.

She died in the hospital, suffering bone cancer. She had been confined for two weeks, enjoying the prayers of her friends from the ministry while undergoing the medications. But last Saturday, she took God's firm grip as another attack came to her, and she did not let go of God's hands. Like Nanay, she passed away with a painful death.

She was embalmed at the same place where Nanay was embalmed, and taking the trip back there had the painful memories flashing back at me. I once again saw my old self, in my canvas jacket, crying in the rain, upon realization that Nanay had gone and will never come back again. I went back to the washroom, and could "hear" myself crying. Even if it had been 5 months ago and a lot has changed, it seems that time went back to that dreadful night once more.

A lot of changes had been done to the place. The administration office had transferred, and there's now a flower shop and a sari-sari store at the ground floor. There had been awfully a lot of people now, and a lot of dead ones. Maybe God had began to pick the wheat from the grass already.

We met up with Tita's son, and Mama cried her heart out to him. He related to us Tita's pains, and how her death was a relief, since she wouldn't have to bear the pain anymore. Her body was still being embalmed, so we went to the room and waited for the arrival of her casket. Once it was put in place, Mama was caught once more in a crying fit. I couldn't help but cry myself, since she was the humblest rich person that I know of, as she had considered us as a part of their family, even if we were just her step-relatives.

We had her last mass, courtesy of her priest scholars, where an eulogy was given by the priest himself about Tita's generosity. It dawned to me then that she wasn't just putting me to school, but hundreds more, and most of them were the ones who had their hearts set to God.

"She had been preparing for this day all her life." the priest said. Indeed. Looking back, you can see that she had been fully prepared when God took her. Plain, simple and beautiful like an ikebana. She had been so devoted to God, I believe that she is in the "Fast Lane" to Heaven right now.

For all her love and care, I thank her. And I will never ever forget her.

Respectfully yours,
Jerusha Abbott

Mood Swings

Mood: Blank

A lot had occurred since the last post, half of which aren't that great.

Currently I'm in the office knocking myself out with the internet and all... Well, obviously, I am knocked out. I've been sitting in front of this friggin monitor for about 10 hours now! (Wouldn't complain if it had games and all... bwtf?)

Anyway, since the last post, I had been shifting moods from Depression, Desperation, Fatigue, Anger, then quickly into Happiness, Excitement, Determination and Hyperactivity...

Now it's back to depression again.

Anyway, it's just another mood swings I'm getting in that'll sure to pass after I get my hands on another online game.

New Year.. New Life... Hiatus?!

Eheheheheh... Ooopps?

It's the year 2008, and since almost everything in my life is in hiatus at the moment, so will this blog. With the things I've learned in last Saturday's "Internet Marketing Bootcamp", (all my gratitude to my neechan and the people of US Auto Parts Phils.), I was enlightened that if I really want this site to be what I dream of it, I would have to take more time and effort reconstructing the site and all. And so, I have decided to close the site temporarily for its much needed renovations.

It will be up and back maybe by February this year (I'm not promising anything though.)

As for now, please enjoy my very first movie, and this little snippet I picked up while roaming around the net. It was written in my native tongue, so I made a rough translation of everything else in English for the majority of you who will read this. To enjoy the raw text, follow the link on the title. :)

26. Walang Tawiran (No Crossing)

(Rough translation of "Walang Tawiran")

*on picture: "That's because you're always on a hurry. Aren't we supposed to do this together?"

X: Then why did you ask me to wait?
Y: I thought that there are things that doesn't have to be told. As Wittgenstein said-
X: I've heard about that.
Y: And why is it that our names are still X and Y? We're like the Cartesian Plane. That's why we never meet. Because I hate Math.
X: Let it go. See, we finally met. But I have to go now.
Y: You can't cross there. Use the overpass instead.
X: I can't believe you're super concerned about me. As if you'd cry if I die.
So X crossed the street, got hit by a vehicle, became a model for the "No Crossing. Deadly.**" promo that was used in the campaign of BF. While Y on the other hand--
Y: If you only waited for me...
X (as a soul): It's not that easy.
Y: Is it easier to die?
X: Sometimes.

**I have a real hard time trying to translate "Nakamamatay". For a visual of the road sign, see the above picture.

~~~

My first movie based on true events of my life. Its really blurry coz I only used a cellphone cam with low specs. Still, I hope you enjoy it. If you can't see the movie, just follow the link below and leave a comment.


Maalala Mo Sana by Silent Sanctuary


P.S. I'd be glad to take free blogging lessons from anyone who' d volunteer out there. Leave your tips via comment and I'd be glad to link back to your site if I use your tips to improve mine.

Thank you.

20 and yet...

Please let me and cake have our moment... Mmm...

Hey Papa! Do you remember what day is it today? Today's my 20th birthday! Yay! I've finally come of age!

I'm both happy and excited this day had come. My first official day of becoming an adult (finally!). Now I can truly prove myself to the world! And since it's my birthday, I'd stop addressing you as Father just this once. :)

Why am I so happy and excited anyway? What's with being 20 that is fun and exciting? Frankly, there's the maturity issue. And there's the fact about handling more responsibilities than ever before. So what's there to be happy about?

Well, my dear Papa, here are my reasons:

1. When you've lived half your life taking medicine tablets and capsules in your system like candy, wouldn't you appreciate another year of living? Some might think I'm crazy speaking like this. (Well, I am crazy. Half my brain does a million somersaults while the other half monitors everything else.) But when you look back all the years of near death, you'd realize just how lucky one can be to be given another chance to live.

2. Alright, so another year means another 360-days of hardship, pain, and sorrow. Surprise! That's not the only thing in life! There are a lot of good things to look forward to with another year. Like the reunion concert of your favorite band or next year's anime convention. Or reuniting with a friend. Or finding your soulmate. And for dreams, well, here's another year of dreaming or making it real, it's your choice. It had been a good number of years of good and bad experiences, of beautiful and horrible memories,and of appreciation and regret. And here you are, starting a new page again.

3. And when is it that you feel much appreciated (or lonely for the lack of it)? Isn't it on the very day that you were born? Okay, so there's Christmas and Valentines, and all the other holidays, but if you think about it, the reason why birthdays are celebrated in the first place because the people around you appreciate your coming into their lives. If you weren't born, then who would love them the way only you could do? Somebody else, probably. But it will never turn out the same way if you weren't there. You don't celebrate that during Christmas or Valentines Day, do you?

4. It isn't everyday you get a day dedicated to you (and hundreds others celebrating their birthdays around the world.)

5. People are extra nice to you during birthdays. They treat you lunches, do you favors, give you stuff for free... And your popularity just goes off the roof on your birthday.

Well, of course, my 5 reasons isn't applicable to everyone else. There are others who hate their birthday. Others treat it just like any other normal day. And others who lost the point of celebrating birthdays at all. But I think, one should, at least celebrate one's date of birth in whatever way they can. With or without family and friends. After all, birthdays only come once a year. And not everyone gets to survive another birthday.

I will then use this space to thank everyone who shared the past 19 years with me:
1. God - of course, for giving me another year to live.
2. You - for helping me come into this world.
3. Mama - for loving me for the horrible monster that I am for 19 years now.
4. Nanay - who continues to look after me, even in Heaven. Hi Nanay!
5. Uncle - for being himself and trying his best to make us all happy. And for bringing me to and from school when I was small.
6.My close relatives (Mama's side) - for being there and supporting us all the way.
7. My not-so-close relatives (Your side) - for helping us to remain steadfast (even if they were never on our side).
8. My bestfriend, Aki - for the friendship, for her patience, and for everything else (including your gift: "Remembrance" by Jude Deveraux)
9. My close friends (Paula, Kat, Erik, Joy, Joan, Nark, Jay) - for listening to all the mumbojumbo I've been telling them. I miss you guys!
10. My friends (plus all the rest of 4BA5 class 2007) - for taking the time and interest of knowing me and introducing yourself to me. (And for letting me copy from time to time. :D) *sniff* I miss you too...
11. My classmates (from Nursery to College) - for breaking my crayons, borrowing my pens, asking for some paper, taking my answers (Deny and you will be punished!), and thanking God that I was there. (No hard feelings here, guys!)
12. My teachers and professors - for taking care of me in school, for making me do things I wouldn't like doing (like Math for example), for trying to appreciate me and the things I do (like my artworks), for trying to get into my head (but never succeeded! hah!), and for making my life hell with quizzes, homeworks, projects and failing grades. Of course, I appreciate all these things now. (But I'm still not taking the curses off some of you! )
13. The head mistress of our school (Nursery & Kinder) - for giving me awards and recognizing my potential (genius).
14. The principal (Grade 1 to 3) - for taking my side against those students whom I thought bullied me. (Now I'm regretting of accusing them.)
15. The school administration (Grade 4 to 6) - for giving me considerations during this chaotic phase of my life. For giving me countless opportunities trying to make my life as normal as other children. For protecting me against the teasing of other classmates and for teaching me to be responsible.
16. Vincent - for calling me names and making my 3 years in your school hell. And for letting everyone in our batch call me names. (I still hold a bit of a grudge, you know.)
17. The ever-famous and semi-omnipotent directress of our school and their staff (high school) - for letting me into your school, for teaching me to abide by the rules, and for teaching me to never let my guard down (because you are watching). Also for the delicious sweet and sour meatballs, siopao, tacos, nachos, fries, hashbrowns, and squidballs served at the canteen. (Hopefully you still serve them.) And the plastic spoons and forks that always break when you try to use them. Because of that, I learned how to improvise.
18. My neighbors - for not losing their temper and sanity whenever I scream and cry and sing and do crazy stuff, aloud.
19. My crushes and love interests (you know who you are!) - for giving color to my life and teaching me what it was to fall in love.
20. All the strangers I've met in life - the jeepney, bus, tricycle and fx drivers who took me to my destination, the people who were there and assisted in Nanay's funeral, the man who used to sell those mysteriously delicious "burgers", the holduppers who slashed our bags, the people who read and flame my works over the Net, and all the other people who had been part of my life even for a second. For the time you gave and the impression you left on me.

I wonder how many will be added here when I turn 21?

In Memoriam: Nanay

September 28, 2007

I'm lonely, but never alone...

Father,

My grandmother (not your mother, but the one I fondly call "Nanay"), had passed away last September 18, 2007 at exactly 4:55p.m.She was declared Dead on Arrival at the Mary Immaculate Hospital and the autopsy conducted at Loyola Memorial Chapels revealed she had diedof a cardiac arrest. The autopsy doctor explained that almost all her veins had gone brittle due to senasence and half of them had exploded,causing the huge bruises on her arms and legs. The medication given to her at the Medical City after she suffered a mild stroke 7 days beforeher passing, remained trapped in her stomach, as well as the water we gave to hydrate her, because her veins had already failed to work. A rupturedvital vein in the head area had put an end to all her suffering, and she is now wandering the Earth for 10 days now. And though it sounds unbelievable,she had lived a healthy dose of 96 years of life, a term some people call "double life".

The 4-day wake was conducted at Arlington East Memorial Chapel,and it was attended by all the people who loved Nanay and also those who love the people she had left. She was cremated back at Loyola (because they were the only ones with the facility to do so), last Sunday, September 23, 2007, at 1:00pm.Her remains are now kept in a white marble urn that is currently staying in our house, but after the 9 days of consecutive prayer, she will be laid in an ossuary here at the Sta. Clara de Montefalco Cathedral on October 1, at around 3:00 p.m.

I wrote this to remember her, to relieve the emotions I had bottled up inside, and to tell you that you don't have any reason to be afraid to come back home anymore.Even at the wake, her guiding presence was eminent, as she had made way to unite the broken family that her husband left her. I don't doubt she'll do the same for ours,seeing that she now practically knows the existence of this blog and its purpose. But to do such would need much of your cooperation...

If you ever see a black butterfly, or smell the scent of orchids from nowhere, remember Nanay, and remember the home where you once lived as my father.

Urban Witch